Empty

by Shadows

Now am being treated like a 6 year old retard!

Am infuriated and i cant speak up…

I choke on my own words, they don’t come out!!!

My mom sat me down and she decided to let me right down my chores. OK! am ok with that! but then she went into details like do u prefer doing ur bed first or washing up!!!

Then after stating my home chores she started with the outdoors, which is nothing more than college, she thinks i should go to college finish get bck home and that she wont give in if i tell her “mom ive been doing well the past (i dont know what) i deserve a treat which in my case would be a request to go out with my friends!” she thinks that if i wanted to go out i can hangout with my dad for a cup of coffee or maybe lunch…

She thinks that every one has there stable natural normal fulfilled life and that i don’t. that they earn the fun they get and i don’t…

All the time when am listening to her i just cant see the sense in the way she wants to fix things ( i dont know if the fact that i dont like the way shes trying to solve things os right or wrong)…

While she was talking to me i was like the iceland volcano all i could do is show that am infuriated by my body language and by slamming my bedroom door behind me! (as usual am “express retarded”)

She told me that “Ibtesam” our house keeper told her that she had a bad dream about me, the dream was that i was walking in the street all messy with my hair all mna3kesh and they were calling me and i wouldn’t answer and that my mom was just standing there looking at me in despair!!!

(that dream was a killer for me i couldn’t understand what was she thinking telling me such a thing, i mean what was the moral behind it!!!… and all i was able to say bck to her was “this hocus pocus shit!”)

The nicest part was that when she sat me down to dictate me my chores all i did was open the list i wrote “on my own before”, and it ended up that i didnt add anything to that list and that i had extra things written in it kaman, all i did was sit there listen to her while doodling!

I dont know…

Right now i feel…hollow and so insecure!

I distrust myself.

I want to hide.

Oh! conversation PART TWO after lunch or lets say one way conversation!

Mom: “3ala fekra law 7asal enek tekooni bete7kui l 7ad 3n ommek 7agat tekhossoko ento el etnein wl shakhs da yobdi ra2yo f kalam w tasarofat ommek w yebayen eno mo3tared di teb2a 7aga f montaha ellet el zoo2 w 3adam el e7teram!

y3ni lama 7ad yebtedi el kalam ma3 kamel e7trami l tant bs kaza kaza kaza te3rafi en di 7aga betbayen en el ensan da f montaha ellet el zoo2!”

ME: ma bs msln ana beni w bein as7abi we hear each others points of view for the sake of it msh ma3naha 3adam e7tram l 7ad… e7na benetkalem w kol wa7ed bey2ool ra2yo beseffa 3amma!”

Mom: “la la ana ba2olek ana kebeera w 3ndi khebra aktr w ba2olek ……..bla bla bla….!”